Five Lessons from My First Year of Marriage

Last October marked a full year of marriage for me and Derek, so technically these are things I've learned over the past year and four months but for the sake of a normal-length title, we'll call it a year. Here are some lessons learned throughout our time spent as husband and wife.

Communication is hard but it's the most important thing to making a marriage successfulWhoa, Kalyn, the most important thing? Are you sure? Yes, I am sure. You can have everything else - a great sex life, a perfect home, wonderful children, but at the end of the day a marriage is just you and your spouse and how you communicate with each other is key. The tough part is figuring out how to communicate in a way that the other can understand. I have to remind myself constantly that my husband is not a mind-reader and that if I want something done telling him "if you want to" isn't going to do the trick. Likewise, Derek is learning ways in which I understand him better as well.
Apologize when you are wrongThis one is tough, you guys. I have a traditional aries personality, and while I am quick to love and I put all of my emotions out there, I'm also quick to anger and undeniably stubborn. These things combined don't make for a quick (or easy) apology. However, I've learned that once I can admit when I am the one in the wrong, life goes on much easier than if I were to wallow in my stubborn pride.
Openly discuss your faith, marriage expectations, and plans for your futureThis coincides with communication, but I wanted to expand further upon the subject. If you have an expectation for your husband or wife, for goodness sake, TELL THEM. If you expect your husband to be in charge of finances and monetary decisions, don't expect him to just know because it's likely that he won't. If you expect to go to church every Sunday and Wednesday, talk about it and ensure your spouse is in agreement. Don't ever assume your spouse knows your plans or expectations, because that will likely lead to irrational disappointment on your part.
Doing something together is pretty awesomeUsually, no matter what the activity, Derek and I enjoy doing things together. At the same time. While I'm sweeping and mopping the floor, he's vacuuming the living room and bedroom. While he's working in his garage, I'm crafting outside. We go on hikes, bike rides, to the gym, grocery shopping - you name it, we're usually doing it together. It gives us a sense of accomplishment and pride in the fact that we are a team.
Talk openly about the love you have for your spouseI will never forget a time when Derek, jokingly, commented on the amount of housework I do vs. the amount of housework he does in front of our friends. While it was said jokingly, our friends could tell there was an underlying issue and it came across as not a joke. We discussed the situation privately and I explained how it not only hurt my feelings, but it was disrespectful to me as his wife. He apologized and explained that he never intended it to be taken that way, but from now on would make an effort to never speak negatively about me in front of our peers, even jokingly.Furthermore, one of my friends who witnessed the quip between us has continued to bring it up. At first, I played along, joking that my husband was the one "without a filter" and never thought before he spoke. Afterward, I realized that even though he was initially disrespectful to me, it wasn't any better for me to talk negatively about him. So the next time the subject was breached, I explained to my friend "We have talked about this with each other and it is in our past. Yes, it was upsetting at the time, but I have forgiven Derek and for me to continue to talk negatively about him is disrespectful to him and to our marriage."
So practice talking positively about your spouse: say it to them, say it in front of them, to your friends, his friends, your coworkers - say it all the time. Talk about the things they do that make you happy and feel blessed in your marriage.

What are some things you have learned over the course of your relationship?

Five Lessons from My First Year of Marriage

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